Idiots, idiots everywhere.

I've been doing a little life make-over recently, and without getting into all the nitty gritty, juicy, drama llama details, have been dealing with some seriously stressful baby daddy issues. It takes a toll, it really does. I try my best to shield the people I care about most away from the poison entering my life but like any infectious disease, it can spread quickly without proper hand-washing. 

Sneeze into your arm, not into your hands people -- and stop touching your face.

Dealing with poisonous personalities is like having the flu. They make you want to vomit repeatedly, force you to hibernate in the dark, feeling sorry for yourself... sometimes you sweat, sometimes you shake, most of the time you want to forget about everything around you and sleep...just sleep.

When you're a parent and have the flu you don't always have the chance to curl up into a ball and hide while the virus runs its course. You have to get up every day and exist as usual. When the flu is someones shitty personality my best advice is to turn off your phone and drink. After the baby is in bed, of course.

The fact of the matter is, these people who infiltrate your life in a negative way, try their best to bring you down in any way possible. They bring anyone who will listen into their sad little world just to hear themselves talk about how unfair life is. 

Once I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started feeling sorry for the other person, my day got a little brighter, a little easier. Assholes are everywhere, and sometimes they are in your child's life too.

That's when it gets tough.

I'm making an effort to try and let go of my hyperactive anxiety over the future, I don't have control over other people, unfortunately. Only they are in charge of their emotions, only YOU can make yourself happy in the end. 

So wash your hands clean of the people who make you sick. 

Try not to obsess over germs & don't blow your money on hand sanitizer because you WILL get sick once or twice in a year. 

It makes you a better person.

Chocolate, peanut butter, sugar, oh my....

I'm not much of a dessert woman, nor am I a baker so I guess it works out. However, I wanted to do something nice for my neighbors and in the spirit of Thanksgiving decided to make some easy, delicious morsels for them to enjoy, hoping that the sugar rush and buttery intoxication comes in handy the next time they are awoken by a small shrieking animal (( aka my child )) at 3am. 

Mission accomplished. 

I've had these treats before, they consist of chocolate, peanut butter, sugar, sugar, and rice krispies. On the company website they call these "scotchees" or something. I call them a little bar of heaven. 

Pssst, they are vegan too... if you use proper dark chocolate like I didn't. Oops, guess mama gets to eat all the left overs... sorry Nolan.


Now all I need is for Starbucks and Total Wine to deliver a soy, skinny vanilla latte and some red blends and I'll be set for Turkey Day... which I am also doing vegan style. Wait for that post after I've come out of my food-coma. 

Here is the recipe. Did I mention you don't even bake these?!?!?!?

You're welcome.

 

What you need

3/4 cup of light corn syrup

3/4 cup of sugar

3/4 cup of peanut butter (or almond butter)

4 1/2 cups of puffed rice cereal 

8 oz chocolate chips

What you need to do

1. line an 8x8 pan with parchment paper, letting extra hang over the sides

2. In a saucepan, combine the sugar and corn syrup together over medium heat, stirring frequently until it reaches a boil. Once this happens remove from heat

3. Add peanut butter or almond butter and stir until smooth

4. Add rice cereal and mix it up until everything is covered in gooey wonderful-ness

5. Press the rice-sugar mix into the pan, making sure it reaches the sides and is pressed firmly down

6. In a microwave safe bowl zap the chocolate in the microwave at 50% heat for 30 second intervals stirring after each trip. Once the chocolate is blended smoothly pour over the top and let it cool to room temp

7. To cut into bars hold the extra parchment paper, lift the treats out and try not to eat them all yourself :-P

ENJOY!

Happy Father's Day, Mom.

There is something truly special about being a single parent; for one, he prefers me over anyone else (( although my dad is a close second )). There isn't any parent preference because, well, I'm both. Likewise, if I make us dinner and it is really gross, the only person who really knows it sucks is me and I'm so hungry anyway I eat it regardless. Whether Nolan likes it or not doesn't matter because he eats anything and what he doesn't eat ends up on the floor anyway.

Another awesome part is having a  walk-in closet all to myself, but really, that has nothing to do with Nolan and has everything to do with a particular clothes hoarding problem that a particular person has. Not pointing fingers though....

 I am able to get to know my child as a dad and as a mom. He watches and helps me clean but we also play a game called crash-bang where we throw cars at the wall. I know it isn't the most responsible game to be teaching a toddler but he laughs his ass off and I love to hear that belly giggle.

Most of all, he teaches me things, like how awesome and not-scary it is to be alone.

Now I'm not suggesting that I hate being attached to a small minion all day, I do the work that I do so I can be around him and not have him in daycare. What I am saying is, before I had Nolan I HATED doing things outside of my house alone. It felt awkward and weird. 

Forget eating alone, I would have rather purchased take-out and sat alone in my car while listening to NPR because no one gets you through a sandwich quite like Diane Rehm.  See a movie by myself?? NO WAY. The thought of not sharing popcorn might have been tempting but there is no way in hell I would have uttered "one for ________" to a movie theater employee and not felt like he or she was laughing at the loser going to see Avatar alone.

Fast-forward to today....

I itch at the opportunity to do things by myself. I'll skip up to the ticket counter, buy my ticket for one and tell the snack girl to lather my popcorn up with extra butter, because that shit is delicious. Table for one? Don't mind if I do. That means the only person I have to talk to is a waitress and if I am stone cold enough she will leave me alone and not tug at my shirt screaming for me to share.

Don't even get me started on going to Target by myself. It is better than Christmas Day, truly.

Being alone isn't bad, it's quite liberating. Much like being a single parent is. I get to celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day, teach him how to be gentle with other people's hearts, play catch with him at the end of the day, pick out every awesome outfit, relish in the glory of every hug and know that I alone cured his infectious disease (( better known as a cold )) with my expert WebMD knowledge and homemade soup. AND THEN, at the end of the day, I can curl up on the couch, watch whatever I want on TV, cry at Pampers commercials and be ALONE. 

 Side note: I'd like to take a moment and give a special shout out to all you happily married or in a committed relationship moms out there who despite having a partner, usually do all of the things I do alone as well... being a stay at home mom is the hardest job out there, certainly the hardest and most demanding job I've ever had. You are equally awesome and feel free to take a bow with the rest of us at the end of this post. 
   Side note for the side note: If you are a male and think for one second that being a stay at home mom isn't harder than your job, stop reading and go have someone kick you in the balls because that is literally how I feel every time I hear someone, usually a man, talk about how being a stay at home mom isn't real work.


When he is playing t-ball for the first time, or basketball, or soccer, or football and makes a basket or scores a goal or throws a perfect spiral I'll know that that was ALL me... and THAT is awesome. I'd also like to take this opportunity to apologize to any future parents, referees, teammates... really anyone in the general public who might take offense to my undoubtedly unruly behavior on the sidelines of these games. I really am a nice person... see?? future me even brought everyone orange slices and Mike's Hard Lemonade for after the game (( or during, whatever you prefer)).

When he brings home his first girlfriend, holds her hand, is attentive and polite, I will bask in the glory of my greatest work yet, smile, then grill her relentlessly ((sorry future wife of Nolan, you aren't getting off that easy )). 

So cheers to you, mom who is dad, or dad who is mom. We are awesome-- now take a bow, you deserve it.

Have a little more R-E-S-P-E-C-T

As many of you know, I am and have been a vegetarian for almost six years. The reasons behind my choice to skip out on the meat are a perfect blend of common sense, empathy for animal and my own health. 

Bottom line is, I care about what goes into my body...deeply and am not okay with tens of billions of animals being killed to make the majority of America fat. If you need more reasons please feel free to visit my good friends at PETA  to find out some shocking facts about where your precious chicken nuggets come from. I promise, it's disgusting, and your thighs hate you for it.

Since having Nolan, my diet changed tremendously. Even when I was pregnant I was hyper-vigilant about what I put into my body because of the little life who depended on mine. That carried out through his infancy and into today.

He is lactose intolerant-- he gets these angry red hives around his mouth and anywhere else milk has come into contact. He itches and whines, it isn't fun. 

Milk no more! I cut back on my dairy intake BIG TIME and I felt awesome doing it. 

Come January I will becoming a vegan. Slow and steady wins the race so be kind, friends. I might have a day or two where I indulge but knowing my competitive-ness, probably not. My family members are probably rolling their eyes... sorry ya'll! Salad bar it is :-P But seriously there are more places to eat as a vegan.... I hope???

I guess that will be another blog post to come. See what I'm doing??? Making my life difficult for the sake of page views. I've become a slave for you... 

I made this awesome concoction today for lunch. It was easy and delicious, as always. 

You're welcome.

What you need

Eggplant, sliced
Quinoa (any kind will do)
Vegetable broth
Red and yellow bell pepper
Kidney beans
Lime
Zucchini, sliced
Olive oil
1 shallot thinly diced
Salt and pepper to taste
Cilantro to garnish

What you need to do

Brush the eggplant with olive oil, salt and pepper and set aside

Preheat a skillet or turn on the grill

Grill the eggplant until it is tender and has pretty lines on it

Cook quinoa according to the package -- once the water has boiled out, add some vegetable broth and let it simmer a little longer

Drain kidney beans and run under cold water

In a separate pan, start cooking the shallot, veggies and kidney beans.

When the quinoa is done add that into the mix and squeeze some lime juice on top

Remove from head and slap it on top of the eggplant slice

ENJOY!

Hummus cups

So, I went to a mommy and me Halloween potluck and wasn't really sure what to bring at first. I found this awesome recipe, of course on Pinterest and much to my delight they were delicious and easy... AND VEGAN! 

 What you need:

Hummus
Crescent squares
Cucumbers
Cherry tomatoes 
Salt and pepper 
Muffin tin

What you need to do:

Roll out the crescent rolls and preheat oven according to the directions

Grease up the muffin tins and squish the crescent squares inside. Poke with a fork so they don't get too fluffy

Bake according to packaging but keep an eye on them, you want them to be fluffy not crusty. Slice up the veggies you want to use while the cups are cooking

Take out the cups, dollup hummus inside, decorate with pretty veggies and sprinkle salt and pepper to taste! That's it! I even refrigerated mine before the party and set them out before and at room temp they were great.

VIOLA!
 

Waking up on the weird side of the bed

I was at the park last week trying to wear my kiddo out when I saw an epic battle between mother and son. She wanted him to wear a sweatshirt, he didn't want to. I know, huge deal.

He was yelling, she was trying to negotiate. It was this whole huge thing that lasted for way too long. Once she tricked him into putting it on she then had to trick him back into taking it off because we live in Arizona and cold temperatures don't exist. Really, they don't.

It just goes to show that sometimes we pick battles we should just let go. 

This has been my biggest realization inside and outside of parenthood the past few weeks. For example--

Nolan loves to paint, LOVES it. But at the end of the day we get home, need to eat, need to take a bath, need to adhere to the rigorous schedule I've put in place to secure a little of my sanity....or else. He is constantly coming up to me with the paint (that he hides) and screams "PAYYYY PAYYYYY," which drives me insane. 

Finally I gave in.

I put on Bela Fleck and the Flecktones Pandora radio, stripped him down to his diaper, sat on the dirty balcony and painted with my monster. It made me realize that in those moments I am being the parent I want to be; the parent who doesn't care if their kid rolls around and eats dirt, the kind of parent who listens to music with her kid instead of watching tons of cartoons, the kind of parent who listens to what their toddler wants and does it despite the ever impending doom and struggle that comes with bedtime. 

The kind of parent I want to be is always changing. I haven't done this before and hopefully I'll get the chance to do it again because I love it and I'm good at it.

My biggest hope is that we can continue to do things like paint, throw dirt, smash oatmeal in our hair (( and by "our" I mean his )) and be silly together and he will remember that I was the kind of parent that he too wants to be when he grows up. 

 

My little weirdo

Things you can learn from Albus Dumbledore

“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light.” - Albus Dumbledore 

It shouldn't be hard to be happy but sometimes it is.

Someone asked me a while back, "when was the last time you were truly happy with every aspect of your life?" 

I couldn't give her an answer because I didn't know.

That isn't to say things don't make me happy; my family makes me happy, my friends make me happy, beautiful fall days make me happy, freshly baked cookies make me happy, the LA Lakers losing makes me ecstatic....

Happiness comes in waves, and it appears in moments. I don't think you're supposed to be happy with every aspect of your life, not if you have dreams and aspirations to do more and to be better. 

So do the things that make you happy and welcome the moments that make you sad. Be afraid for the future but appreciate your past, it got you to where you are today.

Bake cookies and heckle Lakers fans (( please?? for me??? )), hug your mom and take a walk with someone you love. Relish in happiness until you feel like your heart is going to explode! 

Speaking of exploding organs .....

My good friend and fellow crunchy mama took some maternity pictures of me April 2012. Two weeks or so ago we went to the same locations and she took more but this time with my chubby treasure at my side. I am so thankful for people like Nancy who are in my life capturing moments of happiness in tangible forms; photos, videos, etc.

I'll share them with you because I like you. 

Best friends until the end

 

Joe the plumber

Remember that guy? Vomited into fame in 2008 thanks to the Obama/McCain presidential campaign. Turns out he is a total outspoken conservative racist and recently got in trouble for posting racist comments on his blog. Good job guys!

I hate politics.

They could learn a thing or two from my toddler. 

While you may scream, kick, thrash your body around protesting something you don't like, you can always get over it with a hug, a kiss, and come to agreement over a cookie and some almond milk.

Picture credit ABC

 As much I would like to elaborate my thoughts regarding the political tantrum going on in Washington DC, I won't. All I will say is you fools should have voted in Ron Paul when you had the chance 

"She's kidding... right?"  No, no I am not.

This is a blog post about food and making something that I'm sure Joe the Plumber hates; healthy, well rounded, nutritious, meat free, sustainably harvested food. I dub thee THE SLOPPY TOM, sloppy Joe's meat-free, healthy and liberal minded cousin. 

What you need

Tempeh- crumbled
BBQ Sauce
avocado
mixed lettuce (the more colorful, the better)
red bell pepper- chopped
yellow onion- chopped
a spritz of ketchup 
2 garlic cloves- chopped
coconut or olive oil-- 2 tbsp

What you need to do

Crumble tempeh and marinate in the BBQ sauce -- pick a good bbq sauce to really soak up the flavor into the tempeh. Let it marinate for 20 minutes or longer

Heat up a pan and melt oil 

Add onion, garlic and let the flavor soak out for a few minutes

Add pepper and cook for another 2 minutes while stirring

Add tempeh and cover for 5-10 minutes

Add a spritz of ketchup on the final product, slap between two or one piece of bread, add lettuce, avocado and any other topping you want.

ENJOY!
 

 

Do you know the muffin man?

Know what I love about fall??

Everything.

I love the way it smells, I love the way it feels, I love the way it looks...

Get the picture yet? 

Last week Nolan and I joined up forces with our Mommy and Munchkin group and made our way down to McDonald's pumpkin patch where we were able to pet some friendly goats, admire sweet little piglets and roll around in some grade A hay. I think the animals liked us most because they secretly know we don't eat them 

Are your ovaries melting yet?

So back to the point of this post. Muffins....pumpkin spice muffins.

And for the record, I don't follow the sheep flocking to Starbucks for their pumpkin spice latte, I prefer my coffee black, like my heart.

What you need

Muffin tin

• 1 3/4 cups flour
• 1 1/4 cups sugar
• 1 tbsp baking powder
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp nutmeg
• 1/2 tsp ginger
• 1/4 tsp allspice
• 1 cup pumpkin puree (fresh or from a can)
• 2 eggs
• 1/2 cup almond milk
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 8 tbsp coconut oil -- in semi solid form
• 1/2 chopped pecans 

What you need to do

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees

Grease up the muffin tin

 Sift the dry ingredients together, throw in the pecans too

In a separate bowl whisk or mix "wet" ingredients together until fluffy and blended

Pour wet into dry and stir well

Pour the batter into the muffin tins 2/3 of the way

Stick 'em in the oven for 20-30 minutes but make sure you watch it starting at the 20 minute mark. No one likes dry muffins.... no one.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Did you miss me?

I have been so effing busy I haven't had time to word vomit all over my blog. I know you, my faithful reader, must have been so worried about where I might have gone off to.

"Has she met someone??"

"Is she jet-setting around the globe looking fabulous?"

"Has she landed a new, awesome high-paying job and has no time to do fun things anymore..."

The answer to all of these questions is sadly NO, but alas, a girl can dream. She's still single, she's still on the ground and she is still poor. 

I've been working, chasing after my monster, spending time with my family, running away from blood thirsty mosquitoes, watching Mad Men and generally keeping to myself. A lot has happened in September and I am O-V-E-R   I-T. 

Here are a couple things I took the time to take pictures of because I cooked them and they were delicious. 

The first are panko crusted tofu cubes. I got the recipe from a mommy friend Zana (( look on Instagram for #Zanamade for all of her creations and #NotZanamade for all of our fails ))   

Seriously, she makes some amazing dishes and was kind enough to share this gem with me.

 What you need
1 package firm tofu
panko bread crumbs
1 egg white
salt and pepper to taste
garlic powder
rice flour
baking sheet

What you need to do

Press the tofu for an hour or more. You MUST do this part

•       put the tofu on a plate or cutting board with a few paper towels on the bottom
  • On top of the tofu put another 2 or three folded over paper towels and add another plate to the top then something heavy on top of the plate (can, wine, whatever)
  • Let this sit and change the paper towels if it gets drenched. You need to get as much water as you can out of the tofu and absorbed into the towels 
  • Do this for at least an hour. I did mine for almost three
   

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees and spray a baking sheet or tray with Pam or whatever you use

Cube the tofu, sprinkle salt, pepper and garlic evenly and set aside

Now roll the cubes into the rice flour, dip into egg white and smother with panko

Add to tray and repeat steps until you have finished

Bake until golden brown, may require a flip!

 
Next on the list......


 Spinach and kale balls (( did she just say BALLS?!?!?! ))

These were inspired by the ones at Trader Joes. As many of you know, we are banned due to an incident at the banana stand (( "there is always money in the banana stand" )) and since then I took it upon myself to only go when either A) my child was in an exceptionally tolerant mood or B) I am by myself

Since I am never alone I went when he was happy. Still, I don't stay long. 

These are balls of spinach and kale and are not vegan friendly (( sorry kid )) I found the recipe on a taste of home and added kale

What you need 

1 package (10 ounces) frozen chopped spinach
2 cups of finely chopped kale 
2-1/2 cups herb-seasoned stuffing mix
1 medium onion, finely chopped
3 eggs, beaten
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese (to garnish)
6 tablespoons butter, melted
1/2 teaspoon garlic salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper


 

 What you need to do

Cook spinach according to package directions and make sure you drain well

Combine spinach with remaining ingredients (( including kale))  in a large bowl. Shape into 1-in. balls

place on an ungreased baking sheet

Bake at 350° for 10 minutes or until very lightly browned

Balls can be made ahead and refrigerated overnight before baking

....that's a lot of balls ;-)



 

Breakfast of champions

Breakfast is by far my favorite meal of the day and contrary to popular belief if you are a vegetarian who eats eggs (( like me )) than your choices aren't limited. Even without eggs they aren't but this is a meal about eggs so forget that.

Nolan and I eat breakfast at 8am, everyday. I showed you in my post a day in the life what we generally eat every morning so today I decided to switch it up a little bit and make these delicious egg muffins that are a little ball of heaven. They're easy to make dairy free, which is a plus, will last well in the fridge (( or freezer )) for the week and pretty quick to prepare so I chugged my coffee and got down to business. 

What you need

**DISCLAIMER** I didn't use tomatoes but I think sliced cherry tomatoes would be divine in here -- so would zucchini

8 eggs - I did 6 whole and 2 whites
Frozen hash browns
1 tbsp olive oil
1 cup Spinach (raw)
4 cups Broccoli (slightly steamed)
Cheddar cheese ( Nolan had lactose free cheese )
Salt, pepper and garlic powder 
Cupcake tin

What you need to do

Preheat the oven to 350

Lightly spray cupcake tin with pam or rub or olive oil

Pack in frozen hashbrowns and sprinkle with salt and pepper

Steam broccoli and tear apart spinach (( like the kitchen savage that you are ))

Whisk eggs, egg whites, salt, pepper, olive oil, garlic salt and veggies in a separate bowl 

Add cheese on top of the frozen hashbrowns 

Spoon in egg and veggie mix -- don't fill all the way to the top, they will get too big and spill over

Put them in the oven and bake for 20-25 min. You can stick a fork in the biggest one to see if the inside is runny. Don't overcook, they come out so nice and fluffy!

I put a dollop of salsa over my finished product. You could do avocado, more cheese, sour cream, hot sauce or whatever weird craving you have to spice it up a little. 

Egg-celent!!!!!!

 

My not-so-shitty weekend

My weekend started off like shit. 

Friday morning I took my cat to the veterinarian thinking that he had eaten something bad only to find out he had a deadly virus (FIP) and had to be put down, immediately. 

I found Kizzy four years ago on the side of the road. I chased that little wild beast down for two hours before catching him. He was a very unique cat; he loved to chase birds, sleep on faces, eat wet food, kill bugs and was good at being bad-ass in general. It is very sad when animals are young and can't live the rest of their lives. 

I'm not sure what the afterlife is all about but if there is one, he is certainly eating all of the chicken feast in gravy. 

Anyway, back to what I thought was going to be a shitty weekend.

It wasn't.

We went to the zoo with my parents, sister and brother in law Saturday. 

I haven't seen my son as happy as he was at the zoo since he dunked his face in his first birthday cake. It was hot and I was still a little sad but it was worth it.

Then something amazing happened.

I woke up on Sunday and it was 80 degrees. We went on a walk this morning and I swear, I almost started crying it was so beautiful out. Come to find out, it was the first day of fall... go figure. Nolan and I went to the park and kicked the soccer ball around, we rolled in the grass, watched the clouds, I chased him away from on-coming traffic....

Future MLS star

I realized that despite how sad something can make you, the silver lining is right in front of your face. Whether it is a child who loves you no matter what each day, a beloved pet who despite your shitty day will curl up in your lap without asking questions, a freak turn of weather or a visit from your very best friend sharing a slice of eggplant pizza with you, it's always there.

Life has a funny way of making me smile. 

My baby and my best friend 

 

Eggplant pizza 

(( thanks for the recipe Samantha <3 ))

Here is what you need:

1 eggplant

Spaghetti sauce

Cheddar cheese (( or whatever cheese you want ))

Veggie cheese for Nolan (( soy based ))

Salt, pepper, garlic salt

Spinach (( or whatever veggies you want ))

Here is what you need to do: 

 

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees

Slice the eggplant in medium slices

Brush olive oil on the eggplant and sprinkle salt and pepper over the slices

Put the eggplant in the oven for 10 minutes, flipping half way through 

Take the slices out, add the sauce, cheese and vegetables

Put it back in the oven for another 10-15 minutes or until the cheese bubbles 

Too good to be true.

 

Pesto & panko crusted zucca chips

Um yeah. These are pretty much amazing.

I have tried zucchini chips in the past and they have come out tasty but nothing compared to this. 

Nothing.

All it includes is salt, pepper, panko bread crumbs, zucchini and pesto. That's it.

 Things you need:
 Zucchini
Pesto
Panko bread crumbs
Pinch of salt & pepper


What you need to do:
Preheat the oven to 425 degrees

Cut the zucchini into thin slices

Pour the bread crumbs into a bowl and add a bit of salt and pepper

In a separate bowl pour the pesto  

First dip the zucchini slices into the pesto -- make sure you really lather each side 

Next place the slice into the bread crumbs and press down. Repeat this for the other side

If you have one, use the baking rack. If I had one, I would have used it. If you don't a baking tray does the trick with some aluminum foil. Just remember to flip half way through

Bake for 30 minutes or until the tops are slightly browned. 

 Remember, press down

Breaded, pesto'ed, ready for the inferno

 

These would be perfect for a party, appetizer, whatever you want. I ate all of what you see here. Seriously, I did.

 

Enjoy! 

Even the birds are bumpin'

Congratulations Arizonians, if you were here all summer you survived the HOTTEST summer in history. As my grandma would say, it was hotter than the hinges in hell.

So put away your oven mitts, it is now safe to put your hands on the steering wheel without the looming fear of singeing off your top layer of skin.

Please pat yourself on the back.

I was very pleasantly surprised this morning to find that at 8 o'clock it was only 80 degrees. Yes, 80 degrees. So I scooped up my little chap and we took a stroll down to the park across the street to play Nolan's favorite game; find rock, pick rock up, pretend to eat rock and run away from mom. 

He always loses. 

I decided on the way back to post a list of our top 4 summer destinations. Now is the time to go, Dante's inferno is cooling off and you don't have to cry in your car while getting pummeled in the face with air the temperature of your hair dryer.

 Things that don't include staying inside the air conditioned apartment and feel sorry for ourselves.

1. Splash pad

Ahhhh, doesn't this look refreshing?

Our favorite splash pad is at the Scottsdale Quarter. There is a lot of seating, it is almost completely covered in the shade and with Starbucks and Truefood Kitchen at arms length you can walk around and dream about the day your toddler can go into a restaurant without having a nuclear melt down. 

Or just order take out.

But seriously, we love this place. Hence it being #1. 

2. The Children's Museum of Phoenix  

There is this amazing deal at the Scottsdale Public Library called the Culture Pass . If you are a library card holder (( FREE )) you are able to check out a pass and get two free admission tickets to the Children's Museum of Phoenix or any of the other locations that I've listed below. 

• Arizona Historical Society Museum at Papago Park
• Arizona Science Center
• Cave Creek Museum 
• Deer Valley Rock Art Center
• Desert Botanical Garden
• Desert Caballeros Western Museum
• Phoenix Art Museum 
• Phoenix Zoo (excludes ZooLights admission)
• Pueblo Grade Museum
• Scottsdale Museum of Contemporary Art

The Children's Museum is amazing. Your little tyke can run around into different stations building forts, riding in a pickle car, running through a noodle forest, shop in the "grocery store", channel their inner Picasso in the art room or climb up the giant tree house littered with all kinds of recycled materials. 

Not only do they get to interact with other kids but it wears them the F out. Two thumbs way, way up. 

3. Scottsdale Public Libraries

Free is the word here. They also offer a ton of classes for the kids, most of which conflicted with our naptime :0( At any rate, they have awesome sections for kids and tons of books for them to chew on... I mean read.

4. Scottsdale Aquatic Center

I have a few things to say about this place; the first is their awesome pool. It is shallow enough for little kids and has some kind of crazy-awesome spray contraption that you control by a wheel. I can't explain it but click here to go their website. They also have a water slide and splash pad for the kids.

Next is the high dive, I won't get into that because I don't do that kind of shit anymore. However, if you have older kids they love it. CANNON BALL!!!!

Two words-- LAZY RIVER. They have one. All I need is a mojito and for my son to be older so I can just kick back, relax and get my tan on. 

The only downside to this place is that they, understandably, only have weekday hours while the school age kids are out on summer break. When school kicks back up you're left high and dry and must venture to the community pool that smells like old people and used band-aids. 

The shirt isn't a suggestion, it's a command.

Well, that's all I got. My monster is sleeping and I need to take a shower. I hope you have found this post extremely riveting. I'll leave you with the lyrics of my favorite musician/rapper/poet Atmosphere.

 If you haven't heard his music do yourself a solid and Google him. Then buy his music. Then go to a show.

Okay, now I'm really leaving.

All of a sudden, I realize something
The weather is amazing, even the birds are bumpin'

.....

Sunshine, sunshine, it's fine
I feel it in my skin, warming up my mind
Sometimes you gotta give in to win
I love the days when it shines, whoah let it shine