I'm going to be a better mother

Sometimes I get bogged down by expectations, most of which are unrealistic. 

A nuclear family, a couple with dependent children forming the social norm. Everyone shows it: advertisements, television, textbooks, social guidelines....

You even know the rhyme-- first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby with a baby carriage.

The thing is though, we can't all have that, most of us don't. 

Is it just me or do we not hear about the "most of us" often enough?

I'm not married. First came love, then came baby, then came drama and a nasty break up. Then came baby carriage which just so happened to be parked inside my parent's garage where I had relocated myself and the rest of my hoard. 

Instead of a husband going to Home Depot with me to pick out a color to paint the nursery walls, it was my parents who weighed in ((  herbal garden is what we chose )), they are the people who gave up a bedroom to accommodate their new resident and new, impending, small roommate. Instead of a brief cameo at the baby-shower, I had to explain why the former boyfriend wasn't in the picture, speculating as to why he decided the responsibility of fatherhood was too great.


Instead of having an intimate moment with the father of my child at his birth, I had my entire family (( best friend included )) cheering me on while I went through almost 24 hours of labor and they held my hand, wiped my tears while my newborn was whisked away to the NICU in a moment of emergency. Instead of the textbook nuclear family, I had the one on steroids. 
 

And you know what?? I couldn't have asked for more. 

My family was able to be there, closer than anyone else during my pregnancy and into my son's infancy. We were able to raise him as a unit, as a community.  While I was living with my parents they were able to forge a bond with my son that few grandparents are able to. Instead of living across the country, we lived up stairs. Nolan would prefer to be in the company of his Nana and Papa than he would be, and I'm totally okay with that. They know my little monster almost as well as I do, and that is really saying something. 

I might not have the three bedroom ranch-style house with an added den house and white picket fence that I had expected, but I still have something truly great; I have a family and close friends who I know would lay down their lives for my son and his well being. I have a big clan to laugh with, to cry with, to share memories with. 

It was a long, hard road. I'd be lying of I said that my pregnancy was easy. I think most of us mothers would agree that the first time around, pregnancy is scary as hell. The IDEA of a human being living inside your body is terrifying. The expectations and assumptions are terrifying.

"Oh, you and your husband must be so excited!!" 

I got that a lot. I'd just lie through my smile and say yes. I didn't want to let perfect strangers down. How annoying is that? I didn't want them to judge me for being a single mother. I lied to make myself feel better about my shitty situation. I lied for other people.

With all of that junk in the past I made a decision;

I'm going to be a better mother than I ever expected because I have GREAT expectations for myself. The responsibility of being a parent isn't going to scare me anymore, it is going to excite me. 

I don't give a shit about how weird people think it is to breastfeed your baby after 12 months, he's my kid, not yours. I don't care being labeled as a granola mom who coddles her kid with attention and (( GASP )) doesn't feed him meat. I scoff at the assumptions strangers have about my life, brush off pity and move on a little more bad-ass than I was before.

The judgement, the pity, the assumptions and expectations are going to propel me to new heights. 

Forget the haters, cuz somebody loves ya.

 Nuclear family, on steroids.

Amy and Brian's wedding

From left: Danny, Mom, Amy, Dad, Nolan & I

(( not pictured: Erin Hart, Brian and Jourdan ))

Row, row, row your boat

Ill keep this short and sweet. 

Yesterday I was at the store and they had amazing deals on zucchini. I snatched them up and was on my merry way. I saw this recipe for stuffed zucchini but it called for six, you hollowed them out and used the tips as caps while the rest was submerged in tomato sauce. 

It had Pinterest fail written all over it. 

So instead I made something easier, with less waste and more flavor. 

                  Here she is, in all of her glory

Here is what you'll need

2 zucchini
broccoli florets chopped finely
2 carrots chopped finely 
1 cup picante salsa, mild
Ritz crackers, crumbled
Salt, pepper
Garlic powder
fresh parsley (cilantro would be good, too!) 

** You can really add any mix of veggies you want. Next time I will add black or garbanzo beans **

Here is what you do

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees

Take out a baking pan and add foil to it
 
Sautee the carrots and broccoli for 5 mins or so. You are doing this so get them nice soft. Use the olive oil here

Crumble the Ritz crackers in a separate bow and sprinkle pepper, parsley and garlic powder over. Mix

Scoop out the zucchinis with a spoon but be careful not to take out too much flesh.You want it to hold form once in the oven

Take the carrot mix and add the cup of salsa and parsley. Mix well

Add the salsa mix to the zucchini boats. Crumble the Ritz mix in there, too

Drizzle some more olive oil on the top, put them in the oven and wait 25-30 min

When I only had four minutes remaining I added cheese to the ones I was going to eat. 

Let them cool and add a little extra salsa to the top! 

SO YUMMY!!
 

 

Here are the boats before they baked

I die for a deal

Have you ever heard of thredUP? I hadn't until a fellow mom friend of mine (( shout out to you Alice!!!! )) showed me the best website I've ever seen for kids clothes.

Affordable

Stylish

Amazing

So, not only do you get the chance to recycle some of your babe's gently used clothes for store credit (( my bag was free with my purchase )), you are able to choose from a plethora of outfits ranging from $3-$30 AND you get 20% off your first purchase.

Did I mention if you refer a friend and they sign up, you both get $10 credit. 

If you couldn't tell how much I love this website, I hope I have convinced you. I love when other mommies have my back, reinforcing my inner shop-o-holic. Thank you.

Here is a little clip of what I got my little guy. He told me that he needed some new clothes for fall. How could I say no???

Happy shopping!!!!!

Little pizza for little fists

I love pizza, you probably love pizza, we all love pizza.

In my opinion, vegetarian pizza is the best. You have a colorful medley of vegetables smothered in delicious cheese and topped with as many delicious herbs as your little heart desires. There is less grease, less heart burn and more fun. 

A week or two ago I made these mini pizzas for my mini human since he has been on a carb only kick since his teeth have been deciding whether or not they want to join the rest of the gum party. What more could a kid ask for: cheese, bread, pizza sauce and stragecially placed vegetables. 

As I said before, I don't bake, so instead of being awesomely crunchy and making my own dough I opted for store bought whole wheat. 

I don't want to brag or anything but I am somewhat of a pizza expert. My first job was at a restaurant called Nick and Willy's which was a take and bake pizza shop. I was a 15 year old master chef. Ask anyone....

But I digress

What makes these pizzas special is their size. I used a mug to make little cut outs before baking, this helps exnay having to cut small pieces after it baked (( plus I don't have a pizza cutter )).

Ingredients & directions:

Pictured: Dough, veggies, cheese, herbs, olive oil, pizza sauce, garlic. Easy as pie... or pizza

 

If you are using store bought dough just follow the directions (heat, preperation, etc). It is key to leave it out at room temperature, so don't skip that part. Just don't do it.

Use something small for the circles. The dough will expand in the oven. Use the left overs for little dippers. I rolled the extra up into little balls and stuffed cheese and veggies inside. 

On the left is what the mini pizzas looked like before entering the inferno. The picture on the right is what they looked like after the inferno.

See? Pretty easy! And my guy loved them, I did too. You can do all kinds of variations which makes this fun for dinner parties. 

Enjoy!

So good, he passed out.

When toddlers turn

Every week I get an email from Babycenter giving me updates on what my child should be doing developmentally at any particular stage of his life. Usually I find their information helpful. It makes me feel less like a degenerate and more like a good mom.

This 15-month week two update, however, was laughable at best.

It was about my favorite toddler topic- tantrums. This email had a nice little "we are trying to make you feel better" snip-it outlining the normalcy of 15 month old tantrums. It makes sense to me; they don't know how to communicate with you and DESPERATELY want your attention, all. the. time. Been there, done that! As I've said many times, I am an expert terrorist negotiator. 

On the left you will see a very happy child coveting his best friend, rock. On the right is the result of taking rock friend away (after he tried to eat it). This is how quickly a toddler can melt down.

These little terrorists don't care if you have dishes to do, they'd prefer caked on dinner from last night on their plates, it's sooooo much better than that organic food you prepared.  

They don't care if you have laundry to fold, it is much more fun to take the clean clothes out of the hamper and throw them around the house.

 Side note;

• Once upon a time, in the honeymoon stages of mothering I was convinced I had the most well behaved child in the entire world, perhaps even the entirety of the universe. He was never colicky, always smiling, laughing and had zero stranger danger. 

I'm a first time mom and didn't know any better

Back to the laughable part. In this post there was a poll asking you what negative behavior your child shows when he/she wants your attention.

 I clearly voted all of the above. When my son wants my attention he will do anything in his power to get it; by means of whining, by means of shouting, by means of tugging, by means of force, by means of dropping to the floor like a limp noodle. You get the picture.

The COMMENTS in this section were mind blowing. So many "holier than thou" parents saying,

"My daughter Sage taps me on the shoulder, gently asking for my attention"

"Bob, my DS (darling son), doesn't do any of these things! He is such a sweet boy. He just looks over at me with these eyes and we are so in tune with one another, I know exactly what he needs or wants"

Liars. All liars.

I have a 15 month old who is happy most of the time, as long as he is getting his way. He can't help it that he gets frustrated at Trader Joes (where I believe we are blacklisted until he turns 4) when he can't push a strangers cart. He can't communicate to me that he would prefer to eat the cardboard box of Cherrios over scrambled eggs. 

He certainly loves me, but doesn't respect the banana stand at the grocery store. 

Tantrums are normal. So if you are one of those people out and about, doing your thing, and see a mom (or dad) with a little monster throwing himself/herself on the ground screaming, please don't give them nasty looks. I can say with certainty that the parent of the child is mortified but trying to save face. I've been there. I know.

Save your judgement for church.

A rare tender moment between small human and beast

 

A day in the life

Everyone always seems to be confused about what I do. 

Are you a stay at home mom? Do you work full or part time? What do you eat if you are vegetarian? What do you do ALL day???

Well here it is, in all of its glamour & luxury 

My boss wakes me up at 7am, sometimes earlier, rarely later. He is a very tough dictator I tell you. 

We play, he gives me kisses, yells at me, we read LOTS of books. 

8am: Breakfast 
We have the same thing almost every morning: eggs, veggie patties, fruit, coffee for me, almond milk for him. I pack the eggs full of either kale or spinach to boost our iron. Neither if us are anemic but it's smart to do since we are meat free. 

After we dine like royalty we play and I TRY to do some content writing. This is my second job ((  job #1 is mommy )). I look up trending articles on Yahoo and write small blurbs about them for a new website covering anything from social media to science and technology. Usually my little monster screams at me with the hope of smashing the keyboard so I tuck the laptop away and we run an errand, color pictures, go on a walk or visit the park. 

Between 10-11am: nap time 

Time to bust out the big guns. Nap time. 

It isn't the easiest I tasks getting this guy to sleep. He's very strong willed, his way or the high way. He will throw everything out of his crib, gnaw like an angry beaver on the nice wood bed I bought him, jump up and down crying. Then just as soon as I am ready to cry in the closet he happily passes out. This quiet time can last for 2-3 hours.

This is where my expert terrorist negotiating skills began 

While the prince sleeps I get my writing done. I clean up the apartment, start blogging, eat lunch, browse Pinterest, but mostly I work. If he gets up at 530am, I sleep. There is absolutely no way I can get through the busy day yawning and feeling lethargic. 

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. 

This is where I prep for lunch and dinner. 

12/12:30 

I feed the little terrorist lunch and we do whatever we need to do to get ready for my third job, nannying. I make and pack his dinner, entertain and get dressed. 

2:50pm: pick up kids from school 

Next on the agenda is nannying. I pick up two school age kids, take them to their house and supervise homework until their parents get home. Nolan usually has two to three nuclear meltdowns because he is tired, wants to swallow Legos, hit the dog, normal toddler problems. At some point I feed Nolan dinner. 

6pm: the wind down 

Wind down is bath, pajamas, teeth brushing, nursing and sleep by 645pm. You might think this is torture for my child, such an early bedtime, but it has to be this way. He wakes up so flipping early I can have him sleep any later. 

7pm

Now I eat dinner, continue cleaning, work and try to get a blog post up. I'd all of these things are successful I watch an episode of Mad Men, get ready to go to sleep & call it a day. 

So there you have it. This is my life! I hope you still want to be my friend.

Hippie in remission

The kids I babysit for has the day off school today for the Jewish holiday. Usually I only watch them from 3-6pm but today was an all day affair. They're older than Nolan by 10 & 9 years so finding an activity to do was going to be a challenge. 

Solution: cupcakes 

We swam, we played, we raged, we ate cupcakes,

...and we made them tie dyed 

Peace, love and sugar highs

There is something enchanting about these delicious desserts. Is it the sugar? Is it the butter? Is it the hypnotizing colors? I don't know but it takes me back to my days of tie dye everything, wild hair and my unruly free spirit. 

Those were some of the most reckless and yet some of the best days of my life. 

I still like to think I have some of that free spirit hippie living inside of me. I catch glimpses every now and then. But mostly I'm in remission, or have become some kind of socially responsible hybrid. At any rate, I like the memories but I like the new me more. 

To make these here is what you need :

Vanilla cake mix and all of the ingredients it calls for 

Gel dye 

Cup cake tin 

 Preheat the oven to 350

Mix cake batter according to box

Separate batter into six equal parts

Add dye (mixing colors for purple and orange)

Bake

Enjoy!