Anyone know where I put my sombrero??

She has hung up her hat.

There are no more parties, no more tequila shots, no more aimlessly walking the streets with a clip on nose mustache. No more whistles and "Mexican" beer. No more fun. 

Le sigh...

But hey, we all have to grow up sooner or later, right??

I think there is a healthy balance that can be maintained. So, like, instead of going out to Mill Avenue and drinking three Z'tejas margaritas ((when they always tell you that you're cut off at two, yeah...ok...wink wink)), then proceeding to embarrass yourself at Dos Gringos by attempting the macarena on the bar, stumbling home and passing out on the tile outside the hall bathroom

 ((because it's so cold, comfortable and close to the toilet)) 

 .... waking up at 4pm to realize you've been sleeping off at least one marg only to get up, call your friends and do something else that is equally disturbing and irresponsible... you maybe have a delicious chop salad with black beans and lime because, well, that's what we do. ((I'll post that recipe later))

  See? That's me. I used to be fun.

But really, I've reformed. My idea of fun is way different. And like hell I'll ask someone to watch my son so I can spend too much money on liquor and then nurse a hangover with a toddler the next day, I save those cards for the times I get to go to the dentist on a Saturday... you know, fun things like that. 

Plus, if you have ever had to deal with a toddler with a hangover, you sure as hell planned the next night of drinking out very carefully before you experienced that hell again.

"Yeah Mom, Dad, I'll pick Nolan up right before his nap. Like five minutes before his nap" And yes, it is because I too would like to sleep. But not before I hit the drive through at In and Out for a grilled cheese and fries I will not share with my son. ((Get your own!!))

Alas, that ship has sailed and it has taken my sombrero (pictured above) with it. I'm still fun, just not THAT fun.

Well....maybe I'll have a margarita.

Scratch that, I'm drinking wine. Always wine.

So anyway, young, old, sober, not, I hope you all enjoy your night celebrating Mexican heritage, commend those fallen at the Battle of Puebla and call an Uber. I'll be driving around the time you've finished your second margarita at Z'tejas and am in no mood to deal with your drunk ass. 

Until next time....

I'm not mad, just disappointed.

It's 2006 and you've snuck out of the house at midnight.

I think it's safe to say you're NOT going to a late night study group. 

You've taken out the car, had too much fun and are now faced with the age-old parent dressed in the bathrobe, dis-shoveled from exhaustion and worry standing across the garage from you as you pull in at, say, 2am.

Shit.

After a speech that includes words like "worried sick," "irresponsible," and any arrangement of *$!#'s you're left with the zinger.

"I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed"

OUCH.

You might act like it doesn't sting, but eventually the words will settle down in your not-quite-developed pre frontal cortex, pop open a diet coke and stay a while...marinating in your every day life, haunting you in your dreams.

Okay, maybe that was a bit of a dramatic personification of the phrase, but you get it. You little rebel.

As I have strode through life, I have noticed that I have become less mad at people and more disappointed. ((you were right again, MOM)) I have found that I am more disappointed in MYSELF than mad when it comes to parenting and trying to function with the early onset dementia my child has eagerly introduced me to.

I find myself disappointed in my friends without kids who bail on plans for really no reason at all. I had some fellow mommies send me a video that can be seen HERE that is a perfect representation of the frustration, time, and planning that goes into catching up with people who aren't really in your life in the first place.

I am disappointed in people who are supposed to play a major role in my son's life but have put themselves on the sidelines to watch me juggle mom, coach, chef, student, employee and friend alone. With no help and no assistance.

I am disappointed in MYSELF when I lose my cool over terrible two tantrums that seem to plague my every day life. I snap and feel mean or cold. I don't like it when that happens but as a good friend pointed out to me, being a parent with sole custody of a child isn't the easiest thing in the world. 

All in all, I think it is easier to be mad. We can pick and choose our battles but the fights we are confronted with, the ones we don't want to deal with always end in disappointment. Anger is easy. You yell, cry, scream and it's over. You might hold on to negative feelings for a while but soon it fades. Disappointment, especially in yourself is toxic as hell. It seeps into your inner fibers, ferments and spreads through the bloodstream like an infectious disease. 

Next time I feel the fire ignited inside I will simply push it aside. Some fights are best left alone. The house can stay dirty, the phone might not ring, people might come and go and this is all okay because this is what life is about. Learning about who matters, what drives us and when we can rise above the madness and just be ourselves, disappointment and all.

Sunday, yummy.

I have had a grudge against mushrooms for quite some time and as a vegetarian, this made no sense. 

So this weekend I decided to cast aside my negative feelings toward fungi and cook up something delicious in the kitchen. 

Success.

What you need

Portabella caps
1 serving quinoa
2 garlic cloves
1 yellow onion
Broccoli (sliced)
Yellow squash (finely diced)
Red pepper (finely diced)
Olive oil
Salt and pepper
Balsamic salad dressing 

** Please note: You can add literally any vegetables you want to this. Spinach would be really good too but mine was slimy :(

What you need to do

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees

Cook quinoa according to instructions -- should be 1 part quinoa, 2 parts water

Take the mushroom caps and remove some of the gills gently cleaning the mushroom top as you go. Sprinkle with a little olive oil and pop it in the oven for 10 minutes

I put the squash, red pepper, garlic and onion in my food processor together, diced them up and put them in a sautee pan over medium heat with olive oil for 7 minutes, stirring continuously. 

Add the broccoli and cook for another few minutes

Remove from heat, add the quinoa, mix together and stuff into the peppers, sprinkling with salt and pepper. You can add a slice of cheese on the top if you want! I didn't and it was still delicious.

Put stuffed portabella in the oven for another 10 minutes. Remove and drizzle balsamic dressing all over that bad boy. YUMMY! 
 

Macaroni and cheese cupcakes

Macaroni, cheese and cupcakes....

Does it get any better than that??

Sorry in advance to my dairy-free friends and those of you participating in the Whole30 challenge. I respect your dedication but my love for cheese and crackers has trumped my need for a sculpted body. 

(( Maybe next year ))

I got this recipe here  on the Curvy Carrot. I really, really like her website, she cooks some really delicious recipes. Check her out when you get a moment! I then added a few extras to my recipe but for the most part, it is the same.

Mini Mac and Cheese Pies
Servings: 12
Ingredients
2 and 1/2 cups Ritz crackers, crushed finely in a food processor or by hand
                 ****I used roasted vegetable Ritz and they were fabulous!
4 cups white cheddar cheese, grated and divided
8 tablespoons Earth Balance natural spread
1 package cooked elbow macaroni (about 8 ounces uncooked)
4 cups cheddar cheese
6 Tbsp herb goat cheese
4 tablespoons unsalted butter, cold
4 large eggs
1 cup unsweetened almond milk
1/4 cup sour cream
1/4 teaspoon salt
Pinch red pepper flakes (or paprika)
Parsley, for garnish, optional

Instructions
1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
2. Generously spray 8 cups of your muffin pan with cooking spray.
3. In a large bowl, combine the crushed Ritz crackers, 1 cup of the shredded white cheddar cheese, and the melted butter, mixing well until the mixture holds together and resembles coarse sand.
4. Divide the mixture among the 8 muffin cups and, using your fingers or the back of a spoon, firmly press the crust into the bottoms and up the sides of each muffin cup.
5. In another large bowl, combine the cooked (and still hot!) macaroni with 1/2 cup of the shredded white cheddar, the cheddar cheese, goat cheese and the butter, mixing well.
6. In a small bowl, combine the eggs, almond milk, sour cream, salt, and red pepper flakes, mixing well.
7. Add the egg/almond milk mixture to the cooked macaroni, mixing until smooth
8. Place about 2-3 tablespoons of the macaroni mixture into each muffin cup (you will probably have a little leftover macaroni. Save it and make it into a casserole
9. Top each muffin cup with the remaining white cheddar.
10. Bake the mac and cheese pies until lightly golden on top, about 20-25 minutes.
11. Let cool slightly before removing from the muffin pan, garnish with parsley, and serve immediately.


Enjoy!!!

Happy pills.

Have you ever loved someone so much just the thought of them makes you want to well up all sappy-sue and cry?

Your heart is squeezed so tight at the thought of their smile lines you feel in the depths of your humanity that it will explode at any moment.

I feel that every day.

(( e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y ))

As a single parent it's hard to imagine loving anyone as much as you love your child. How is there room for anyone else? I'd love to know how married couples or couples happily co-parenting just short of marriage do it, they must feel like their hearts are outside their bodies all the time...ready to just POP

We love a lot of things in our lives before we love our kids. 

We love parties, we love drugs, we love staying up late and sleeping in till noon... We love to sit on our couch all day with a hangover, watching three seasons of LOST because we can. We love to go on spur of the moment trips to see the Grand Canyon or travel across the globe to taste traditional Indian food. We do things selfishly because we can. There is nothing else holding us back from packing a bag and moving on just as quickly as we came. 

And then the baby comes, and life starts to slow down. You are bound to a small, needy creature who asks for all of your time, all of your money and all of your energy. He cries because he wants to be touched, he stares deeply into your eyes because you are his first love, his best love. Now we can't go out and party, or we can but we shouldn't, not yet. Boxes of diapers replace that free floating cash you stored away for an eighth of weed and sleeping until noon becomes a running joke between you and your mom friends. 

(( because that's what dads do....har har har))

Now we stay up late watching trashy reality TV because it doesn't require a lot of brainpower or thought and for once you are actually sitting down... so pat yourself on the back for that one. 

And then one day it happens. Your baby is now almost two and would prefer to be at Nana and Papa's house eating cookies and watching Thomas the Train. You are free to go about your evening, no longer bound by the creature you covet so, if only for one night. You dance, you sing, you drink too much and it is GREAT. But still, at the end of that night that tiny creature is the last thing you think about before you fall asleep and the first thing in your mind when you wake up. 

 

I can't think my son enough for coming into my life. I can't thank him enough for being the greatest star in my sky. I hope that at the end of the day I make him proud. I hope that I can rise above the anxiety and mess that sometimes surrounds our lives and be thankful that at least we had each other. It isn't easy to guess where we might be tomorrow or the next day or the next, but I have the most amazing partner, friend, child, companion to go through it all with. 

((Now take a nap, mommy is tired))


 

Once it hits your lips.....

I made some really good vegetarian and vegan dishes lately and thought I would share with you all. I haven't been blogging lately because I have been busy with school, life and working out :) I'm trying to be the best version of myself that I can be. So here we go folks...

This first recipe was shared between Josh, Nolan and myself. I absolutely love it when we are able to cook something that everyone can eat and enjoy.... and let me just tell you, I almost died of happiness over this recipe Josh found. It was so delicious and even better left over. This is a perfect "set it and forget it" recipe for busy parents or students who still want to get down with some delish din at the end of the day

CROCKPOT MUSHROOM STROGANOFF 

5 cups cremini mushrooms- sliced 
1 onion- diced
1tbsp earth balance dairy free "butter"
1 cup vegetable stock mixed with 600ml hot water
3 tsp paprika
3 cloves garlic thinly sliced 
4 tbsp Wayfare dairy free "sour cream"
handful fresh parsley- chopped

In a large pan, melt the butter and gently cook the onion and mushroom for 5-10 minutes until soft

Transfer these to the slow cooker, and add the stock, ketchup, paprika and sliced garlic. Cook on high for 4 hours.

When cooked, stir in the dairy free sour cream and chopped parsley. 

Transfer to a sauce pan after it has cooked in the slow cooker for ten minutes to thicken sauce. 

Add whatever pasta you want! I chose a close to egg noodle substitute spiral noodle. 

 SWEET AND WHITE POTATO SKINS

4 sweet potatoes - halved and scooped
4 white potatoes - halved and scooped
Cheddar cheese
Morning star veggie strips "fake bacon" (8 strips)
Sour cream (or a substitute as used above)
Salt & pepper
Earth balance butter substitute (melted)
Chives - chopped to garnish

Preheat oven to 400 degrees, puncture top of potato with a fork on top

Cook for 50 minutes

Allow potatoes to cool for 10 minutes

Slice length wise and scoop out flesh leaving an fair amount on the side so potato doesn't fall apart, discard or save

 Melt butter or butter substitute and spread on both sides of potato. Sprinkle salt and pepper on both sides

Cook on broil for 3-4 minutes or until butter bubbles, flip and repeat on the other side

Remove from oven and add cheese, veggie bacon, then more cheese

Put potatoes back into the oven for a remaining five minutes

Serve with sour cream and chives!

n a large pan, melt the butter and gently cook the onion and mushroom for 5-10 minutes, until they are slightly softened and beginning to shrink in size, but are still not yet fully cooked. Transfer these to the slow cooker, and add the stock, kethcup, paprika and sliced garlic. Cook on high for 4 hours.
When cooked, stir in the sour cream and chopped parsley.

Read more at http://www.amuse-your-bouche.com/slow-cooker-mushroom-stroganoff/#31uKzZS28Cqj64kP.99

500g mushrooms, sliced
1 onion, diced
1tbsp butter
1 stock cube, made up in 600ml hot water
2tbsp tomato ketchup
3tsp paprika
3 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
4tbsp sour cream (heaped)
Handful fresh parsley, chopped
Read more at http://www.amuse-your-bouche.com/slow-cooker-mushroom-stroganoff/#31uKzZS28Cqj64kP.99

500g mushrooms, sliced
1 onion, diced
1tbsp butter
1 stock cube, made up in 600ml hot water
2tbsp tomato ketchup
3tsp paprika
3 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
4tbsp sour cream (heaped)
Handful fresh parsley, chopped
Read more at http://www.amuse-your-bouche.com/slow-cooker-mushroom-stroganoff/#31uKzZS28Cqj64kP.99

Some assembly required

Well hello there!

No, I didn't die... I've just been incredibly busy being super mom, a student and was, like many of you, consumed by Christmas and the new year.  Nolan absolutely stole Christmas, my 1175 square foot apartment is now known as "Nolan's fun house" seeing as it is littered with trucks, tractors, balls, tools, and the occasional stray Cheerio from breakfast that has somehow magically fused in with the carpet.

Goodbye security deposit!

Anyway, 2013 is thankfully behind me. I can say with the up most confidence that 2013 was the most stressful year of my life. There were so many sudden and abrupt changes, big life changes. I found it hard to keep up, was tired most of the time and had no idea where my life was headed. Thanks to the person who pushed me over the edge and almost to the brink of utter insanity, (( no Nolan, it wasn't you )) I was FORCED to re-evaluate myself, enroll back in school and create a new family for Nolan and myself. I am happy to report that things couldn't be better. 

Lesson I learned in 2013 -- The dumbest people in your life will always try to be the loudest.

And to those who tried to make my life miserable (I say those but really there was just one person), thank you for all of your hateful words and spiteful actions. I'm such a better person today. I hope you read this post and every one after, if not to digest my words, thoughts and tribulations but to see your child's face, since you haven't in six months. Oh and don't worry, he's doing fine (not that you've asked).

I digress.....

Back to the Christmas presents

 Are we cute or what?

My very lovely sister and brother-in-law purchased a basketball hoop for Nolan, which makes me happy since I wish to breed him into a super human who is divinely handsome, immensely considerate and can dunk on fools all day long.

           SIDE NOTE: I'd be totally cool if he was a dancer, dreamer, artist, teacher, comedian, astronaut, architect.... 

          But mostly I want to  be an incredibly annoying soccer mom. You know, the one who 

          has to sit in her car because she's yelling at the ref and stuff. Orange slices anyone?

So as I was assembling I noticed the x21 next to the image of the screw drivers. "Great", I thought to myself, "now I have to get all handy and shit." I pulled out the screw driver and started following instructions (( yes you read that correctly)). I had to start over a few times, unscrew, re screw, re read, drink wine, and disassemble. As all of this was going on the most amazing thing happened... Nolan came up to me with his own tools and wanted to help and it made me think long and hard about my role in his life, mom and dad. How cool is it that he gets to see his mom make him dinner then assemble a basketball hoop?

 Pretty fucking cool is the answer.

I never thought of myself as a handy-woman but more often than not I am finding that I am surprising myself. So I say to all of you folks out there, boy or girl, embrace your lives, enrich them with things that might be out of your stereotypical gender role and ROCK OUT. I look at the basketball hoop and think about how awesome it is that I helped put that together, as easy as it might have been for someone accustomed to doing it themselves.

 

Anyway, I wanted to toot my own horn, wish you all a Merry belated Christmas and a happy new year. Clearly my new years resolution isn't to stop cussing, it is to start running.

Oops, haven't done that either!!!!!

Have an amazing day